He murmured words that I couldn’t understand.

“During the day, I have to be affectionate, kind, gentle, and polite.”

“….”

“At night, I have to be equally affectionate but wild and beastly. Right? Isn’t that right?”

I doubted my ears. What on earth was coming out of this man’s mouth right now…

“…Th, that, what?”

My face flushed red. Even though it wasn’t wrong, I didn’t know why Kairos would know that.

“You’d like me to be good at cooking and make time for a small date at least once a week.”

“S, s, stop. Right now!”

“Most of all, I think my appearance is exactly your type. What more could you ask for?”

“C-cr, cr, crazy.”

The curse came out of my mouth before I knew it. I jumped up and covered his mouth with my hand. Then, I was startled and took my hand away.

My face was hot, so I avoided his gaze and covered my face with both hands.

What the hell was that? It was the ideal type I sang about before I got married, but did I write it down somewhere? I don’t remember. Even if I did, it would have been just a scribble! Anyway, I felt like I was going to die of embarrassment.

Those words… Ugh, I was really going crazy. I’m going to die of embarrassment. I’d never write a monologue anywhere again. I wanted to crawl into a mouse hole.

Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh!

I barely regained my senses. I was too embarrassed to look him in the eye, but I had to say something. I took a deep breath for a long time and calmed myself down before I glared at Kairos. As my heart sank, I burst into tears again.

I didn’t love Noah Edith because he fit my ideal type, and that annoyed me even more.

“What I wanted, what I really wanted, wasn’t that.”

“…Then what?”

“I just liked you, who I could have a delicious dinner with in the evening.”

“….”

“You always asked me what I did during the day between the clinking of forks and knives, and you thought about it with me, and when I was upset, you got angrier than I did.”

I wasn’t looking at Kairos.

Yes, there was no reason to look. I wanted to see Noah, not Kairos. Even though he didn’t say anything, I kept talking because I felt wronged.

“I wanted to be with someone I could wake up with in the morning. Even if I woke up looking ugly, I thought you would smile at me because you showed me that there could be someone more dazzling than the sunlight.”

“….”

“I wanted to be with someone who would touch my hair every day. Even if I got old and had white hair, I didn’t think I would be ashamed in front of you.”

I opened my eyes wide for fear of crying.

Ideal type, my foot. Day and night, my foot.

Even if I got wrinkles and age spots, I thought you would say I was pretty. Because you always held my hand and helped me up whenever I was having a hard time. Because you always opened your arms to me whenever I reached out. Because I never doubted that you wouldn’t abandon me. Because you were the one who showed me that the warmest place is in the arms of the one you love.

I didn’t adapt well here, but that didn’t mean that the loneliness that had sunk to the bottom of my heart was gone. It hid as if it didn’t exist, and when I had a hard time, it would jump out like a ghost. Noah Edith helped me endure it and forget it.

“But it’s not true!”

“….”

“It’s all fake.”

“I… I love you.”

I twisted my lips without realizing it. It was a clear laugh. Even now, this man was playing with me. Yes, it must be easy to say that since you’ve always lied. Every time I said I love you, my heart trembled and filled up, and it was always hard because I had to hold it in.

‘You… so easily…’

My heart grew cold.

“You’ve whispered to me that you love me until now. It was all a lie.”

“A lie… It wasn’t a lie. It may have been at first. But now…”

“I don’t believe you.”

I glared at Kairos. There was confusion in his eyes, but I didn’t think he would understand. I was just his toy, it wasn’t love. I didn’t know why he was talking about love so disgustingly, but to him, I was nothing more or less than interesting.

If he really loved me, he should have confessed first.

He shouldn’t have hidden it like this.

Kairos didn’t say anything. I didn’t want his answer either. We grew even further apart by having this conversation, and I turned my head away.

For hours, we were trapped in our own thoughts, our gazes averted.

* * *

The next day, Kairos brought me food again.

“Eat this quickly if you don’t want to drive me crazy.”

“I won’t eat. I said I won’t! Is a meal really that important right now?”

“I am important. Hazel, you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday because you’re protesting.”

“Then just let me go. You’re not going to kill me anyway!”

A voice filled with exasperation burst out.

“I’ve told you. I will never let you go. Don’t even think about running away.”

In contrast, Kairos’ voice was as deep and calm as a quiet sea. That made me even angrier.

“This marriage is loveless anyway. We won’t be happy in a marriage that’s just an empty shell. What’s the point of all this? It was all fake from the beginning! We don’t trust each other, and all that’s left is suspicion.”

I gritted my teeth and growled. He just stood there, looking at me like a calm, deep, dark abyss. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and spoke.

“Okay. I understand that you’re interested in me.”

“….”

“So I’ll believe that you’re not going to kill me.”

Yes, a captor who fell in love with his prisoner! There was even a movie about that! Let’s just say that.

“I confessed my love to you. It’s not just some simple interest.”

I opened my eyes again.

“It wasn’t love to begin with, so how can I believe that? You probably just kept repeating that you loved me day and night until you started to believe your own lie.”

“Hazel, please stop saying such hurtful things.”

Kairos’ face twisted as if he was truly hurt.

A lie.

My words could never hurt a liar like him.

“Divorce me.”

Back to square one.

“No.”

“Then, let me go.”

“I said no. Tell me something else you want.”

“Those are the only two things I want. Otherwise… kill me.”

“You said you love me.”

“I loved Noah, not you.”

“That’s me.”

We were both frustrated. This endless conversation just kept going on and on, tearing at each other’s raw wounds.

“No, Noah is gone. He’s gone forever, to a place I can never see him again.”

“What?”

“He was just a mirage, and now he’s like someone I can never see again. To me, Noah is gone.”

“Ha…”

“So, are you going to keep me as your prisoner? What’s the point of continuing this marriage if you’re not going to hurt me anyway?”

“That’s…”

Kairos closed his mouth. His jaw clenched and unclenched as he thought.

“….”

“So you hate me now?”

“Yes. I hate you. Let me say it clearly. I don’t love you anymore.”

I glared at him as I finished speaking.

Kairos’ expression was strange. It wasn’t crying or laughing, but it was like the expression of a lost child. Why was he making that face? I should be the one making that face. Could he understand how I felt when I found out that my lifelong companion was actually the one who came to kill me?

I was always just a mouse in the palm of his hand… a tiny mouse that would die if he just squeezed a little harder. And yet he didn’t understand why I wanted a divorce?

A frustrated sigh escaped my lips.

I was angry, too. Kairos, who had been about to say something, turned his head away and avoided my gaze.

“I hate being flawed. I don’t want to be flawed by something like a divorce. So there will be no divorce, no matter what. Don’t even mention divorce again. If you don’t eat, I don’t know what will happen to your hostage, so figure it out.”

“Kairos!”

Kairos slammed the door and left.

* * *

Kairos left Hazel in the room.

He was angry that she said she didn’t love him, that he wasn’t Noah. He was also annoyed that she wouldn’t call him by his real name, Kairos, and kept calling him Noah. He was furious that she had whispered sweet nothings of love to him and then pulled the rug out from under his feet. She didn’t love him?

“I hate being flawed. I don’t want to be flawed by something like a divorce.”

Hazel’s expression twisted at those words.

He knew. It was absurd.

…So what was he supposed to do?

He didn’t want a divorce. He didn’t want to let her go. The thought of her living happily with someone else made his stomach churn, and his blood run cold. When had he sworn to spend his life with her, and when had he changed his mind?

Who was the bad guy? Who was worse? Why was she saying such hateful things with that pretty face?

For a whole month… As soon as he thought about the month he had spent searching for Hazel, he felt like he was choking. He had told her he would grant her any wish except for breaking up with him.

Then, he stopped, thinking about Hazel’s surprised face. She wouldn’t be surprised and crying again, would she?

She was sensitive, and this was the first time he had ever seen her so angry, so she might cry out of fear. She was already weak from not eating. He turned to go back to her room, but then he stopped again, realizing that he was being a coward.

“D*mn it…”

Kairos roughly ran his fingers through his hair.

What was he supposed to do?

Where was he supposed to start? He had thought that everything would be solved if he brought her back, if he found her, but that wasn’t the case. Her words had thrown him into confusion.

He was Kairos. He was Noah Edith, so why did she keep saying he was someone else? It made no sense. They were the same person. What was so complicated about that?

Kairos turned around again.

—