“Madam…?”

I came to my senses from my reverie at the sound of someone calling me and looked at the butler. It seemed that I had drifted off into my own thoughts in the Duchess’s office while reviewing the financial report of another Blois estate in the capital.

I smiled at the butler, trying to make it look natural, and opened my mouth.

“It would be great if you could continue as you have been. I’m counting on you.”

The butler, who had been tense in anticipation of my approval, brightened.

“Yes, I’ll do my best.”

“All right, you may go.”

After dismissing the butler, I leaned back in my chair and let out a sigh.

‘I can’t concentrate.’

After completing my obligatory duties as a duchess, I needed to examine the invitation that had been addressed to me. As soon as I showed up in the salon, it seemed like news of Dimitri and I arriving in the capital had spread since invitations had been piling up since morning.

“I need to reply to these quickly… Ha.”

There was so much to do, but I just couldn’t focus. It was because of Dimitri.

‘Dimitri… Blue…’

My face flushed again.

“Bad person… What a bad person… Huukeukk.”

How can you pretend to be a cat so shamelessly and nonchalantly while watching all of my foolish behavior?

“Did he have fun watching… That bad person…”

I slumped in my chair, shedding imaginary tears.

Well, up to that point, I could have tolerated it a hundred times over. After locking myself in my room for a thousand days and kicking the blanket until it turned to dust, I felt like I could brush it off and say, ‘Well, people can do that! It’s not like I committed a crime!’

But what was driving me even crazier right now was…

‘I saw it…’

That was right. It was difficult enough to realize the connection between Dimitri and Blue, but witnessing his inner aspect, which I shouldn’t have seen, was also a huge mental blow. It was such a tremendous shock to me since I had never seen the raw part of an adult man in my life.

It was so different from Coco’s I had unwillingly encountered before…

‘Uuuggh…’

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, desperately trying to forget the scene. However, the harder I tried, the more vividly the image of the problem entrenched itself in my mind.

I couldn’t control my thoughts. Like sitting in a carriage pulled by a stubborn horse that refused to listen, I was dragged along by them helplessly.

‘He had a thin waist. His abs were perfect, too. And, above all, below…’

Ziiiiik.

The paper I was holding tore. It was because I was gripping it too tightly.

Startled, I dropped the paper onto the desk.

‘Oh, don’t think about it, please…’

I grabbed my hair in frustration and shook my head.

It was right after I realized how good his arms felt and how addictive his gentle touch was. Perhaps that was why all sorts of imaginations were now fluttering around my mind even more vigorously.

It was when I was pounding my forehead on the desk—

Knock, knock.

At the sound of the knock, I was startled as if I had committed a crime and hastily adjusted my posture.

“It’s Hyle. May I come in?”

“Oh, Viscount Villefranc. P-please, come in.”

I greeted him with the most indifferent expression I could muster.

‘Act natural, act natural.’

“What’s the matter?”

Viscount Villefranc handed me an invitation card.

“It’s an invitation to a party from the imperial palace. It’s tonight, and the Duke asked me to ask if you would be attending.”

It seemed that news of our arrival in the capital had reached the Emperor as well.

I nodded. I needed to see Renée.

“Tell him that I’ll attend.”

“Yes, of course.”

“How did she look?”

Dimitri urgently asked Hyle, who had entered the office. He ordered him to visit her under the pretense of some trivial reason to see how she was feeling.

Hyle narrowed her eyes slightly and asked his master.

“Did you really have a fight?”

Dimitri adjusted his posture and gave Hael a piercing glare with authoritative eyes.

“Who told you to answer a question with another question?”

“I’m sorry.”

Hyle, who was unaware of the situation, delivered the words like a bolt from the blue to Dimitri.

“She didn’t look very happy. I’ve never seen Madam Rowaine so sullen.”

“….”

He cautiously offered advice, seeing Dimitri’s expression grow more serious.

“I’ve heard somewhere that if you’ve made a mistake, the most effective way is to go and talk to them face to face as soon as possible. Delaying only worsens the situation.”

“…Is that so?”

“Yes. There’s no time to waste. The longer you wait, the deeper Madam Rowaine’s emotions may become, even at this moment.”

“….”

Dimitri sighed. His expression was filled with anguish.

“Just go ahead and admit you were wrong.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Quick admission! Quick forgiveness! Don’t you understand?”

After a few moments, Dimitri left his study and headed towards Rowaine’s.

For a brief moment, as the study door opened and closed, the figure of Hyle screaming as he was swallowed headfirst by Shedim was seen momentarily through the door before disappearing.

After Hyle left, I was left to contend with the morning scene that kept popping into my mind.

Just then, there was another knock on the door.

“It’s me, Rowaine.”

It was Dimitri.

“Uuuaakk!”

As I screamed in surprise and fell off my chair with a thud, the door flew open all of a sudden, and Dimitri, the man in question, rushed in the next moment.

“Rowaine! What’s going on?!”

“Oh, I-I’m fine. I just accidentally fell off the chair…”

As I reassured him and struggled to get up, he approached me and helped me.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?”

“I-I’m fine.”

Feeling conscious for no reason, I slowly slipped my arm out of his grasp.

I couldn’t look at his face directly. Turning away from Dimitri, I stood up and sat down at my desk. Then, pretending to be busy shuffling through documents, I asked casually.

“What’s going on, Dimitri?”

“….”

Dimitri remained silent.

Feeling puzzled by his lack of response, I glanced up at him discreetly, only to catch him staring back at me with a strange expression in his eyes. I was so startled that I took my eyes off him and stared at the desk again, opening my mouth awkwardly.

“I’m… a little busy right now.”

I honestly felt like crying. When I looked at Dimitri, the scene of the problem I had seen in the morning became clearer and clearer.

I suppressed my emotions as much as possible and parted my lips calmly.

“If it’s nothing urgent, I’d like to be alone. Could you please leave?”

Although I said it calmly, it was actually a very desperate request.

‘Please go. Please.’

Nonetheless, Dimitri is still standing beside me, silently looking down at me. While I pretended to be fiddled with the documents, unable to bring myself to look up, Dimitri finally uttered.

“Did you really… see it? I wanted to make sure.”

‘…Is he really asking me this straightforwardly?’

My mind went blank for a moment, and it felt like all the blood in my body was rushing to my brain.

“W-what, what, what do you mean?”

“….”

“N-no, no! I-I don’t know anything!”

My face felt like it was about to explode with heat, and I felt dizzy. In the end, I couldn’t overcome my shame and eventually chose to run away just like I did in the morning.

“I suddenly remembered something urgent that came up!”

At that, I stood up and ran out of the office.

Embracing a sense of shame.

‘Why am I so embarrassed when I wasn’t even the one who took it off?! Why am I behaving like this?! He might as well advertise it that I’ve seen his important parts! Advertise it!’

“….”

Dimitri watched silently as Rowaine ran out of the study without trying to stop her.

His expression was dark.

As if expecting such a situation, he returned to his office with a composed face.
“Did you resolve it well?”

Hyle, who had been tied up and tormented by Shedim, looked pleased to see him return. Dimitri sent Shedim into his shadow without answering, then nodded to Hyle.

“Leave.”

“….?”

Sensing his unusual mood, he quickly left the room.

Dimitri, who was left alone, sat in front of the desk and leaned back in his chair.

“Ha…”

He let out a heavy sigh, lost in thought.

There was no doubt that Rowaine must have been very shocked by witnessing himself transform into a cat. Otherwise, she wouldn’t react so strongly like that.

‘Is it disgusting after all?’

Memories from his childhood that he had forgotten resurfaced, gripping his ankles and crawling stickily up his spine.

“He turned into a cat!”

“Haha, How unsightly!”

“Look at that tail! I can’t believe you’re wearing something like that and pretending to be a human!”

The shame of that day came flooding back.

The despair of that day, when he realized that my very existence was a mockery and that being born like this itself aroused disgust, resurfaced. He thought he was immune to such ridicule. However, seeing Rowaine act like that brought back the trauma that had been dormant within him for so long.

Dimitri couldn’t shake off the nightmarish memories as they consumed him.

‘I didn’t expect this. You knew it would be like this.’

Wasn’t that why he practiced sleeping in a human form? If he had believed that Rowaine would accept him as he was, he wouldn’t have done such practice in the first place.

‘There’s no need to be disappointed.’

All humans treat shapeshifters like that.

He was used to it. Rowaine was just another human, after all, so there was no need to feel hurt even if she hated him.

But… why does it hurt so much?

Dimitri’s face contorted as he bit his lip. He looked like he was about to burst into tears at any moment.

He covered his head with his hands.

‘Did I… have expectations?’

How could he fool himself into thinking he didn’t expect anything when he felt so disappointed?

He admitted.

Perhaps he had hoped that even if he transformed into a cat, Rowaine wouldn’t mind. Maybe he even wanted to be caught by accident. He hoped that even after seeing his shapeshifter form, she would still like him. Otherwise, would he have ever thought of sharing a room with her?

To be honest, it might be too much to ask.

‘D*mn it, how foolish.’

For Sasha, Coco and the shapeshifters at the shelter were the ones she cared for. In other words, she could be seen as the one who raised them, much like pets.

Though he wasn’t like that.

There was a big difference between a lover and a pet.

Even if it was Rowaine, accepting a shapeshifter as a lover could’ve been a different matter. Even though he knew that, then why did he still have expectations?

Dimitri forced himself to ignore his wounded heart.

 
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