605-chapter-116
On the morning of the dinner party, I sat on the sofa in my home office, flipping through documents related to the operation expenses of the shelter.
Next to me, without my knowledge, Dimitri had silently approached like a shadow and was quietly looking at the documents he had to deal with. I was so focused, and with him sticking around like a barnacle lately, I didn’t realize his presence until later.
“You’re even coming to my office now.”
He responded casually as he flipped through the documents.
“Well, if we continued sharing the office, it would’ve been better to be closer to our room when you go to work.”
“I’m asking because I’m really curious, but it’s not like you don’t know that I’m giving you hints, right?”
He looked at me with a knowing look on his face and then smirked.
“You don’t hate me being here.”
I caressed my heart and glanced away. It was because his handsome features sparkled under the sunlight.
‘He’s using his face as a weapon.’
Feeling like I was going to be captivated by the face and nod my head, I tried to compose myself.
“It’s just that I’ve become so accustomed to you always being here that I didn’t notice.”
“Even if you’re aware of it, you don’t avoid me.”
“I, I’m only letting you go out of necessity. I’m just taking advantage of you now, so don’t misunderstand.”
“Taking advantage?”
“Your pheromones are useful. The cat shapeshifters became more obedient in my presence.”
Somehow, I had an overly honest feeling, as if I had blurted out something that required an excuse. Worried that Dimitri might be offended, I glanced at him, but he showed no signs of being upset.
“If that’s the case…”
For some reason, I felt like I had to make an excuse, so I spoke too honestly. I glanced at Dimitri to see if he would be offended, but he didn’t seem offended at all. He then wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling himself closer to me the next moment.
“It would be more helpful to be held longer.”
“Wh, what are you doing?!”
“You’re letting me take advantage of you, aren’t you?”
He smirked with a confident face that didn’t resemble someone being taken advantage of, and he even spread his arms as if willing to lend them to me. Pheromones or whatever it was, I wriggled away from him and ran away to a corner of the sofa.
Then, he hummed and stretched out the arm he was holding.
“It would be mutually beneficial. You need my pheromones, and I like your scent. Isn’t it a splendid quid pro quo?”
“A quid pro quo?”
I jumped up as if there was no chance before I went to the desk and sat down.
Maybe I shouldn’t have been this cold, but it wasn’t my will to keep flinching and reacting sensitively to Dimitri’s words and actions. It was because I lacked immunity to such honest and proactive expressions. My face turned hot, and the nape of my neck felt uneasy. I had no idea how to respond, and I almost felt like crying.
“I need to concentrate, so please don’t disturb me.”
Dimitri shrugged and picked up the papers he had set down. He didn’t seem to have any intention of going to his own office. Nonetheless, I stubbornly continued with my work as if I were completely indifferent to him. For a while, the only sounds in the office were the rustling of papers and occasional small movements.
In reality, I wasn’t concentrating on my work. I pretended to look at the documents and stole glances at him out of the corner of my eye.
‘He’s handsome.’
Was it just that he was handsome? In my opinion, he was a perfect man. Despite the fact that he seemed to think that being a shapeshifter was a flaw, it didn’t appear like a flaw to me.
‘It’s rather a charming aspect.’
Wasn’t it endearing when a handsome man had cat eyes and behaved like a cat?
‘Although he’s actually a cat.’
At that moment, I was startled when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the small mirror on the desk and adjusted my expression.
‘…What am I staring at?’
I shook my head vigorously twice, trying to shake off the thoughts. At that moment, Dimitri approached my desk before he sat down across from me and placed his face on his hands, looking up at me.
“You can just look at me openly instead of sneaking glances like that.”
“W-who said I was sneaking glances!”
As I denied it with an astonished expression as if caught doing something wrong, Dimitri stared at me with a mischievous face and opened his mouth again.
“Because I have a broad view.”
“I… didn’t look at Dimitri, but I was looking at… the wallpaper behind you.”
He scoffed at my words and then raised himself. Our eye level changed, and this time, he was looking down at me. Then, holding onto the desk with one hand, he leaned forward, narrowing the distance.
“What… what are you doing?”
As I tried to avoid him, he reached out and gently wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, preventing me from escaping.
“Don’t keep running away, Rowaine.”
The touch of his hand on my skin felt ticklish. It felt like my entire nervous system was focused there. I wanted to push him away, but his transparent, sparkling emerald eyes seemed to firmly captivate me.
“You know I’m more excited when you try to run away.”
“I don’t know… something like that. How would I know about Dimitri…”
“It’s about cats. And you know us well, cats.”
“Ah…”
His eyes narrowed, and he gently raised the corners of his mouth as if tempting. He slowly smoothed the nape of my neck and then withdrew his hand.
“I, I should visit the shelter. I’ll see you at the dinner party later!”
As soon as he withdrew his hand, I quickly stood up and practically fled from the office. It was difficult to endure the tingling sensation as if the place touched by his hand had become electrified.
“It’s more stimulating if you run away.”
Watching Rowaine walk away quenched his appetite, and Dimitri licked his lips. His pupils were slightly more dilated than usual. The statement about getting excited when someone runs away was indeed true. It was the instinct of a cat.
As Rowaine disappeared completely out of sight, Dimitri chuckled and glanced down at the hand that had touched her neck.
“Her heart is beating so fast.”
He clenched his hand as though he wanted to grab Rowaine, who was running away.
“I wonder why you’re trying to escape from me. I’ll find out and…”
His pupils dilated and constricted dramatically.
“It would be better to get rid of it.”
‘What, what’s going on? Why is my face turning red and making a fuss?’
As I sprinted down the hallway, I caught a glimpse of my face reflected in the window. My face was flushed as if I had caught a fever.
‘Why did thoughts of that kiss now…’
A little while ago, when Dimitri leaned in close, I remembered the kiss I had been trying so hard to forget.
“I love you.”
Despite the fact that I was treating Dimitri as if nothing had happened, it was far from the truth that my heart wasn’t unaffected. He was a nice man. With a man like him tempting me, it was inevitable that my heart would flutter.
Rejecting him was purely because of my own issues.
In my head, I vividly recalled a conversation I had with my mom one day.
“Mom, why did you marry Dad?”
“…Because of love. I got married because I love him.”
I was frozen for a while by the unexpected answer.
Love.
As far as I could remember, my mom had never been happy because of my dad. They always fought, and she always seemed unhappy. So, my question wasn’t originally driven by pure curiosity. It was more of a resentment of why she married the person who made her unhappy.
The words that came out of my mother’s mouth were a tremendous shock to my young self.
“Lies.”
I didn’t want to believe it.
My mother smiled with a sickly appearance.
“It’s true. When we were dating, your dad was really sweet. He was so nice to mom.”
“Dad?”
“It was like that back then. When we were dating, he used to spend two hours every day just to pick me up and take me home. He’d remembered everything I said I wanted to eat or have, and he would buy it for me.”
He was a father who hadn’t shown his face since my mother was hospitalized for a long time.
My mother looked incredibly happy as she reminisced about the old memories with him.
That was when I realized that she had clung to a fragment of the memories from their dating days, enduring an unhappy marriage. They held onto that mirage-like memory of their brief, affectionate relationship and endured the hardships of their long marriage.
“What’s the point of him treating you so well back then? Look at the state of things now. Has your dad ever celebrated your birthday? What about your wedding anniversary? Has he even lifted a finger to help with a single chore around the house?”
My mother said self-deprecatingly to me when I asked angrily.
“That’s true, but that’s how it is after marriage. All men are like that.”
“Why don’t you get a divorce if things have changed?!”
“It’s not as easy as it sounds. How could I? We still have some bond of living together.”
“Mom, you’ve been deceived by Dad.”
As I was going through my teenage years, I, with an immature heart, spoke recklessly without considering her feelings.
No, I actually wanted to hurt my mom… so I blamed and resented her.
She foolishly married my dad, and witnessing my parents’ married life made me feel so unhappy and sick. I hated my dad, who didn’t treat me as a person and sacrificed everything for my brother. I hated the way he casually treated my mom, and I hated his authoritative attitude towards us while not being able to do anything to my brother.
My father was a truly terrible nightmare for me.
My mom comforted me when I was angry.
“I’m sorry.”
“What does Mom have to be sorry for again! Ah, that’s enough.”
“Eunsoo, don’t get married.”
“I’m not getting married. I’m never getting married. I won’t even be in a relationship, so I’m never going to be in love or anything like that.”
My mom might have said those words to placate me, but for me, that day’s resolution became a lifelong commitment. For the next twenty-nine years of my life I lived as Seo Eunsoo, I lived steadfastly adhering to that resolve without giving my heart to anyone.
‘Emotional attachments in love are just hormonal reactions. They have a validity period of two years. After two years, it completely disappears, and only regrets remain afterward.’
The repulsion that had been lingering within me tore through the excitement that had invaded to shreds. The unresolved resentment and wounds had become stubborn and were firmly entrenched in my heart. It has now turned into a part of me.
As I happened to see Coco passing in front of me in the form of a cat, I scooped him up and hugged him tightly.
“Where are you going, Coco?”
“Huuk! Can’t bre, breathe! Keek!”
“You’re overreacting!”
This was the only thing I believed to be unchanging love—the affection between a cat and its guardian.
At that moment, Coco stretched out his round front paw and pointed at my shadow.
“Rowaine, that guy is smiling unpleasantly.”
“Huh?”
I turned to look at my shadow and was startled.
Agaliaept, hiding within my shadow, was smiling sinisterly.
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