Chapter 57
My body was burning up.
I knew why I was in this state. Even though I was aware, the thirst that scorched my throat and the heat that fueled the fire within were too much to bear. As my feverish voice quietly calls out to Enfrise, he must be looking at me with pity.
“Just a moment. I’ll get some medicine…”
This fever wouldn’t be cured by medicine.
The slight fever I had last time couldn’t be subdued by it, so why would now be any different? I knew a quicker way.
If our lips met, I believed this heat would subside.
With that thought, I instinctively moved. As I raised my torso and clung to his coat as he tried to leave, he didn’t notice and staggered slightly as he tried to stand.
“Oh.”
His arms, which seemed lean but were solidly muscular and substantial, wrapped around me. Even if we fell onto the bed, it wouldn’t hurt, but he still took care to hold me.
I felt the heat rise even more.
“… Don’t look at me like that. If you do…”
What kind of eyes was I giving him right now?
Was I mocking the foolishness of having been oblivious to such an obvious truth until now? Or were my eyes dazed from the fever?
His face contorted with awkwardness, but something flickered in his eyes. His golden irises sparkled in the darkness like waves of gold. It was shining so beautifully through my blurred vision that I reached out to touch him unwittingly.
How could he be so beautiful? So mesmerizing that I wanted to look at it… How long would it take before I tire of this?
Maybe I’d never get tired of it for the rest of my life.
The touch of his skin on my fingertips felt almost cool. Perhaps because it was a stark contrast to my burning body. The chill made me feel better and I smiled faintly.
“It feels cool…”
Hoarse words spilled out without my intent.
Perhaps the fever has broken the filter in my mind. After all, I’ve been like this recently. Whenever he was involved, I lost my reason and became emotional… to the point where I couldn’t even see my own foolishness.
“…Uht.”
Enfrise bit his lip so hard in an attempt to hold back. He bit it so hard that dark blood began to seep into his deep-colored lips.
Blood.
The sticky scene behind my eyelids became vivid once more.
I shook my head, trying to forget it, but the image wouldn’t fade away. Then, I looked up at Enfrise as if clinging to him, staring at the liquid spreading over his white teeth before impulsively pressing my lips against his.
“….!”
He didn’t push me away, but he didn’t respond either. He just looked at me with eyes filled with confusion and desire, as if he didn’t know what to do.
Instinctively, I knew. He was holding himself back again.
‘You…’
He didn’t want to hurt me, the one he loved. Yet, at the same time, he wanted to hurt me, or rather, he wanted to possess me, even if it meant inflicting pain. He must be tormented by such contradictory emotions.
As always.
“Hu… ah…”
Our lips parted slightly. Was it just because our lips merely touched? The heat didn’t subside at all. The warm breaths between us mingled and then dissolved into thin air while the heat inside my body still scorched my inside.
If only he would accept me, it might be easier. If he wanted me as much as I wanted him, if only a little more…
With a feeling of regret, I gently tapped his lips with the tip of my tongue.
Let me in. Accept me.
As if to say that.
As his arms tightened around me and the strength left his reddened lips, I seized the fleeting moment before my tongue slipped into his mouth.
“Mm…”
I trembled in his arms.
More heat escaped from my body than before, faster and fiercer. At the same time, a chill ran down my spine. As I moaned and shivered, he could no longer hold back and grasped my chin.
The tender flesh that I had let in without knowing what it was the last time, pushed into me. Unlike the man who had been as impenetrable as a fortress moments before, even though I desperately wanted it, he seemed like a completely different person now.
Had he finally let go of his hesitation, or had instinct ultimately won over hesitation?
He explored me fervently with his tongue as if he were a fierce conqueror, his eyes tightly shut, determined not to miss a single spot. His actions seemed almost desperate.
He wanted this with me. He had been holding back this desire.
He wanted me this much.
He was so cute that I couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle.
Despite this, the magic energy that had been building up inside me was draining away, leaving a mix of chilliness and a different kind of heat entangled, making my senses swirl. What kind of heat was this?
The heat from accumulated magic was like a massive fire, aggressively consuming everything within me. My body felt engulfed in flames, it was unbearably hot and painful.
But this heat… was different.
How should I describe it? Like a soft candlelight? No, that seemed too mild, yet it wasn’t as devouring as a wild flame.
Ah, yes, it was like lava.
Slowly, stickily, intensely hot.
It wasn’t fast and rash like a blaze. Instead, it was frustratingly slow, maintaining its pace, leisurely flowing in. That was why I sometimes thought it wasn’t hot, but then I realized it was possibly hotter than the heat from magic. It was sticky and didn’t extinguish easily.
And in this chilling sensation, it still heats the core of my body.
“Hoo…”
Had he noticed my smile? Or was he worried because I trembled too much, perhaps in discomfort?
Suddenly, he seemed to snap back to reality and opened his eyes. The gold in his eyes looked confused. Lost in thought for a moment, he finally broke the close distance that would allow our breaths to mingle and our lips to meet with just a slight lean forward.
The heat inside me had largely dissipated, but I still yearned for the contact.
At the thought, I reached out with arms still radiating warmth. I pulled him close by the neck and whispered.
“Grand Duke.”
“…Yes?”
“Please do more.”
“But… you’re…”
I.
‘To what extent can you handle the magic I transfer to you? If it becomes too much, I know I will definitely not want to seek this connection again. I don’t want to hurt you.’
He frowned as he looked at me, I faced him.
Instinct whispered. Could you see how much he was suppressing his desires? To deny when the woman he loved asked him to do this, how painful must that be? Didn’t Enfrise himself say he wanted more?
Yet it wasn’t just about that. Even without words, the hot breaths leaking from his lips told me enough.
And I… I hoped he wouldn’t hold back.
“Please… I’m asking you.”
As I blinked, the heat inside me seemed to flow down my cheeks. It was likely the reason my vision had been blurred.
At my words, what expression was Enfrise making?
I wanted to see it so badly that I deliberately closed my eyes and let all the built-up tears fall. Yet the persistent heat inside blurred my vision again.
“It’s so hot… it’s painful, yes?”
It wasn’t just the immediate discomfort.
As I began to face reality—the reality I had been ignoring—it made me realize something. Perhaps the rise in magic was something being released within me, and in its place, something else was filling up the void, though I wanted that space filled by him.
‘I need you right now.’
So, towards the man who looked pretty despite the blurred vision, I whispered again near his ear. I did it unintentionally, I exhaled deeply, trying to push away the inside heat.
That breath brushed past his ear.
His body jerked, and then his beautiful face hurried closer. As he lightly licked the corner of my lips, I extended my tongue to meet his.
The red flesh intertwined.
We had no training and no experience but instinctively explored each other.
‘…Enfrise. Do you feel the same as I do right now?’
Did he want me as much as I want him? Not as Chaperil, but me?
“Ha…”
With a sigh, I faced the man before me, not avoiding his direct gaze this time. The gold in his eyes mingled with red.
Our breaths mingled inside our mouths.
Could he have anticipated this? That we would end up like this. At least, the version of me from the day we first met certainly hadn’t.
Just a character from a book. An ideal male lead created by an author.
That was all I thought of him.
He couldn’t have expected for things to turn out this way for other reasons. As he confessed, his beginning with Chaperil wasn’t great.
Even so, the original story surely would have had a happy ending. Who wouldn’t love someone as clumsy and adorable as him? She might have initially resisted you due to her defiance, though she would have gradually come to feel love for you.
And then, perhaps later than now… they would have wanted each other.
‘I’m sorry, Enfrise. For taking Chaperil’s place with you. For someone like me to replace her…’
But.
Yes, now. Your female lead is me. I’m your female lead.
And we…
How long did we kiss? How deeply did we explore each other? Our mouths filled with each other’s saliva, dripping down from our joined lips. There was no part of me unknown to you anymore. The heat escaping us gradually subsided.
Perhaps it was the magic draining from my body.
Maybe it was because my body had stabilized, but I couldn’t keep my heavy eyelids, and I quietly closed my eyes.
Suddenly, the image of him from the day we first met popped into my mind.
Enfrise.
I…. you…
__